Thursday, November 10, 2005

Ramble On

Like sand through the hour glass, so is the Doxycyclin that tumbles out of my medicine bottle each morning. These little blue pills have defended me thus far against the wrath of the malaria bearing mosquitoes that buzz around my apartment in the wee hours of the night. They also present me with the constant reminder that my days in this beautiful country are limited. I am almost finished the first bottle, which means that I am rapidly approaching the halfway point of my internship in Mozambique. I approach this marker with some trepidation as there is still so much that I want and need to accomplish before my time here is up. I can look back at the past two months with mixed emotions. I know that I have learned many interesting things, met tons of fascinating people and have been a part of some very exciting work. But still there is this sinking feeling that I’m not doing enough.

I guess I am wondering what sort of an imprint my work will have here in Mozambique. I am not expecting monumental impacts here, but I certainly would like to leave some sort of imprint. Is my research just going to lead to one more report floating around cyberspace? Will my work leave any lasting impressions on the institutions and the people that I encounter? My time thus far in the field here in Mozambique has confirmed my desire to be a part of the development process on the ground. My soul is satisfied when I am associating with people, learning of their experiences and exchanging ideas. It is the sights, the sounds, the smells and the feel of development that I crave and I feel separated from these “real” aspects of Mozambique when I sit behind my desk at the MMF office.

Perhaps I am experiencing a bit of the blahs and a little confusion over the direction of my work here. I suppose this is common for all interns that head over seas. If I’m not making a strong enough connection with the environment around me then I really have nobody to blame but myself. I need to focus a little harder and be more willing to step out of the boat. I know that I have feel into familiar comforts within an expatriate community and the neighbourhood in which I live is a tiny microcosm of “the West” here in Mozambique. It could be very easy for me to live out my time here in this country safe within these secure communities. But like Peter, I believe the Lord is calling me to trust him further, really open up my eyes to my surroundings and take that critical step out of boat. There is much work for me to do here still and I want to be diligent and faithful to that calling.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

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4:14 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Is my research just going to lead to one more report floating around cyberspace? Will my work leave any lasting impressions on the institutions and the people that I encounter?" Questions that could have come up before you went... but failed to address. The impact you make in people's lives is no doubt a good one, but leaving after not "doing enough" (in your words) is certainly not a positive for the locals.

12:08 p.m.  
Blogger J-WAB said...

God help us all when I'm being the positive one.

It's impossible for anyone of us to create any substantial change alone. We can do wonderful things, but they only achieve as much as those around them allow them to. One of the downsides to being part of a society. You're only one person. A pretty damn decent and intelligent person, but still only one. All you can do is to make sure that you grow and improve from this experience, and have faith that your work will lead to and be part of something larger that has a positive impact on the world.

And if that doesn't work, just repeat to yourself: "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."

2:53 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, Jared,
Just to let you know I have been reading about all your experiences and to congratulate you on your work there.
Seems like yesterday you were six months old and I was baby-sitting you!! You, like my kids, have grown up way too fast!
Keep up the good work! All the best, Louise

2:06 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Greetings Jared,
We look forward to reading each and every one of your Blogs. It is like reading a facinating novel that we can hardly wait until the next chapter. We feel each of your emotions that you describe from your experiences and people you have encountered. Keep up your dedication and great work. You are a great leader and many others will follow. as always....TACE

2:07 p.m.  

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